How to Make a Cheap A**ed Breakfast Quche and Still Look Like a Pro

I like quiche.  It sounds like it's expensive to make.  When you mention it, it sounds like you know what you're doing in the kitchen.  It's also kinda fun to make if you want a high-volume breakfast (for feeding a lot of folks) and you don't want to spend all morning over the stove.  Keep in mind, I am on a working-man's budget and I really don't have a lot of money to spend on making something expensive; so what you have here is something that anyone (and I mean anyone, guys...this means you) can make.

Want to impress the wife or girlfriend for breakfast?  Pay attention.

Here's what you'll need: eggs (I used 5 to feed 3), onion, steamable veggies (green giant brand costs like $1 apiece), shredded cheese and BACON (don't judge me).

Use a minimal amount of garlic salt.  Also, no self-respecting cook from Louisiana makes anything without Tony's.  Heck, I even put it in my pastries......

The neat thing about onions is that they take on a different flavor when sauteed.  If you're feeling adventurous, sautee them using the bacon grease (this is for taste folks....I didn't say anything about healthy eating.  If you want that go follow a health-food blog).

Milk.  It makes things "fluff".  I'm comfortable enough in my manhood to say the word fluff.  You'll need it for a good quiche because the fluff extends your eggs.....

This is what the Green Giant veggies look like after steaming.  This time around, I used the kind with green beans, green onions and red potatoes.  There's plenty to choose from at the supermarket, and remember, they're cheap.

Unless you actually like spending an hour scrubbing the bottom of your glass cookware, be sure to coat it with this first.  Preheat your oven to 350 degrees (otherwise it'll cook too fast and not rise the way it's supposed to)

This is what everything looks like mixed together.  Use the Tony's & garlic salt to taste.  Remember not to use too much if you put bacon in yours like I did because the sodium in the bacon will flavor it as well.  A salty quiche is nasty.

Ready to bake!  A layer of cheese goes on top.  Use whatever cheese you like.  I think I used Colby & Monterrey Jack this time. 

Give it about 20 minutes....sit down with your coffee and watch a bad movie.  I think I was watching Simon Sez (with Dennis Rodman in it).  You can't get much worse.....

So you don't get too caught up in the snobbery that is quiche, round it out with a "mess of grits".  Is that a whole stick of butter in there?!  Don't judge....I'm from the south.....

Risen, fluffy, and guaranteed to draw a crowd of hungry breakfast eaters.

Here's a little cross-section, served with a modest portion of grits on one of those dainty little plates you see chefs use on TV.  You may choose to garnish with some parsley flakes.  Be sure to drink your coffee with your pinky up to add to the atmosphere of your expensive meal.

Keep in mind folks, you can do all kinds of variations of a breakfast quiche; and I find the vegetarian version is particularly popular.  It also saves well, so what you don't use, you can cut up, put into Tupperware and eat on the next day. 

Enjoy!

Finally, something useful! Here's an easy recipe!

Occasionaly, I will say something on here that's a little more useful than the occcasional guffaw.

Case in point.  I cook.  No, I don't mean throw crap in the microwave an nuke it.  I also don't mean slapping meat on the grill and burning it while beating my chest and drinking beer.....

cooking.......

...although I have done the latter quite frequently.....

...I mean actually cook.  You see, my love of cooking has grown throughout the years to a point of where I can either a) actually know what I'm doing, or b) fake it really well.  Regardless, it's become quite the fun hobbyy when I'm not chasing behind my kids, working or otherwise getting into trouble. 

On a side note, if you're a guy and you read my blog, learn to cook.  It's cool.  It's fun, it's a bit of a challenge at times, and with the right instructions, pretty much idiot proof. 

....with the wrong instructions you can blow up your house.  Just ask the hundreds of people that attempt to fry a turkey indoors every year.

...not cooking....know the difference.



 

....but I digress.  There's a reason for today's post is because yesterday I delved into something I don't often get a chance to try my hand with: a chowder.  Granted, chowders aren't something I consider because they sound complicated.  When you have 2 children under age 10, complicated means you're eating alone (and that includes my wife).  Be that as it may there are some things that, while I'm good at them, you rarely see me with the occasion to make them because they just won't be eaten.



This chower I made was not one of them.  It was shrimp & corn chowder.....and it was darned good.



Granted, I can't take the credit on it.  The recipe came from cooks.com recipe search and it's under the name Sherry Monfils.  Sherry, ya done good......

....anyway folks, so that I don't steal Ms. Sherry's work, here's the link to the recipe:

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,2248,159177-235201,00.html

....but I did, in fact, make some minor changes:





The big-assed beer and monkey have
 nothing to do with the recipe; but they made
cooking more fun.  Consider this my homage to the
youtube show My Drunk Kitchen.





All ingredients - prior to cooking it down
into the actual chowder.

• I used fresh corn.  My in-laws had recently managed to get some fresh corn from a family friend.  EVERYTHING tastes better when it's fresh.   It was a large ziplock bag full.  By the way, I'll note that my wife's family is largely French-Cajun.  If I did not already know how to cook, then my marriage proposal would have fallen upon deaf ears.  99.99% of the guys in Louisiana (where I lived for 10+ years) can cook.  Those that can't are still single.
• If you have to choose between half & half and heavy whipping cream, heavy whipping cream will win all the time in my kitchen.  To me, that's like buying a Harley Davidson motorcycle and then putting a silencer on the muffler.




The final product is OMG good!

• 2 lbs of shrimp is okay.  I think I was closer to 1.75 lbs. 

Y'know, I might be on to something here. 







An Incomplete Anthology of Jean Claude Van Dammage!

This past Wednesday night before going to bed, I was flipping channels and noticed that the Jean Claude Van Damme movie Timecop was on.  This made me smile because I was practically raised on his flicks, and it's probably part of the reason why I train in martial arts today.  I still remember being one of the thousands of teenage fans of the movie Bloodsport, it's gleeful violence, and it's star, the Muscles from Brussels.....

Indeed, back in the day, 'ol Van Damme set the standard for "kick flicks"; so after much thought, I figured I'd take you through a brief (albeit incomplete) anthology of his more memorable movies.

Ivan...one of the coolest bad guys, evah....

No Retreat - No Surrender
I think I'm one of 3 people on the planet that actually remembers this movie.  I think I'm one of 2 that actually likes it.  If you didn't already know, THIS was the movie that really put VanDamme on the map; and I think it's the only movie where he actually plays the bad guy (as Ivan the Russian....you really have to see it to believe it).  This movie, probably almost as much as the cult favorite The Last Dragon, is really what piqued my interest in martial arts.  Never mind that the acting is horrid.....I went out and bought every single martial arts mag I could find after seeing this flick, and found myself hoping that Bruce Lee (or at least a really bad imitation, like in this movie) would miraculously walk out of my closet and personally show me the way to enlightenment in martial arts.    If for no other reason, the final scene between the movie's actual hero and Van Damme make the ordeal worth it.  It's actually fun to watch.

Bloodsport

Jean Claude Van Damme learns the Dim Mak death touch in this movie....Teaches you how to break the bottom brick in a stack.  Very helpful if you're in construction.

What more can be said about this movie?  I think the TV channel G4 still goes through Bloodsport fits and shows it multiple times each week.  I'd dare say that while not as influential, this movie is about as "guy-popular" as Enter the Dragon for straight-up old-school ass kicking.  While the first movie put Van Damme on the map, this one skyrocketed him to fame; and he became THE MAN.  Remember the big Chinese guy from Enter the Dragon?  He's in this one too.  Wasn't that movie almost 20 years prior?  Did that guy even age?  Geez....  Also, you'll find yourself cheering Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds.  He's VanDamme's buddy in this one.  Bloodsport is actually loosely based on the life of a guy named Frank Dux, a rather controversial martial artist who claimed to break a lot of records in the late 70's & early 80's.  While doubt has been cast on some of these claims, one thing is for sure: he made Jean Claude Van Damme RICH.

Kickboxer

Tong Po...this dude is just nasty.

Tong Po!  The bad guy in this flick definitely gets my vote as the ugliest dude VanDamme ever faced.  Here's some more trivia for you.....this movie actually launched the stellar movie career of competitive kickboxer Dennis Alexio.  Who?  Exactly.....
Watch this movie if only to enjoy the scene where Jean Claude gets drunk and kicks butt while disco dancing.  It's hilarious.  You'll find yourself cheering "nok soo kow" at the end too.....
 On a side note, there are like 3 or 4 sequels to this flick.  Jean Claude Van Damme is in none of them.  In retrospect, if VanDamme walks away from the plot, how good can it be?  Yeah, that bad.  Don't bother......

Cyborg

The bad guy in Cyborg made having a grill cool long before Lil Wayne.....

My late father loved this movie.  I hated it.  Why?  This was the first movie where I really started to notice that the bad guy would just stand there screaming while waiting to get hit with Jean Claude's patented jump spinning crescent kick.  It's overused in this movie...somewhere around 3,786 times.......Sorry, Mr. Van Damme, you bored me.

Lionheart

Harrison Page is in the movie Lionheart.  He reminds you by screaming the hero's name about 372 times....

This one had a plot?  I know that Jean Claude was a French Foreign Legion deserter.  I know that he got into the world of underground fighting.  I know that some black guy goes around screaming the name "Lionheart!" every time Jean Claude gets into trouble.  The rest is a repetitive blur......this is a TBS (and you have nothing better to do) movie at best.

Double-Impact

Juliette Lewis is NOT in the movie Double Impact....but her dad is.  She's just a lot better looking so I figured I'd put her here instead.

DOUBLE your Van-Damage!!  Jean Claude plays his own twin and takes on the Chinese crime syndicate!  Awesome!  Y'know, in one of the opening scenes, he's teaching yoga in pink tights.  This made the rest of the movie hard to watch......

Did you know that Van Damme went back and made a second Universal Soldier movie?  I guess the first 2 hours of unintelligible dialogue wasn't enough.....

Universal Solder
Take the Muscles from Brussels, turn him into a cyborg, and pit him against the guy that played the Russian boxer Drago in Rocky IV.  What do you get?  A whole lotta dialogue that you won't understand......


Timecop
This movie is actually good.  The late Ron Silver convincingly plays the bad guy (as he's so capable of doing), and someone obviously finally took the time to show Van Damme how to act.  If you're into sci-fi the way that I am, you'll enjoy this.  It's got one of the more memorable "bad guy death scenes" evah.

Nowhere to Run
Bad guy turned good....protects a family from other bad guys.  Uses "the kick" while the bad guys just stand there.  Yawn!

Hard Target

Let's get this straight, we do NOT do this in Louisiana.....

Okay, I need to say a little bit about this one because it's not only my favorite Jean Claude Van Damme movie, it's one of my favorite movies period.  Keep in mind, he teamed up with John Woo (yes, THAT John Woo) as director, and Lance Henriksen plays another believable bad guy.  At the risk of my wife jump spin crescent kicking ME in the face, I will also venture to say that Yancy Butler is HOT in this movie.  Van Damme plays a Cajun named Boudreaux (which, in itself is a hilarious premise) that gets mixed up with some guys that hunt people for sport.  John Woo knows how to do action sequences.  Period.  Keep an eye out for Arnold Voosloo (from The Mummy) and the oatmeal guy that now does diabetes commercials (he's one of the best characters in the movie).  The fight scene with Boudreaux and the street thugs in the French Quarter is darned fun to watch.   


Double-Team

How do you capitalize on Van Damme's acting skills?  Put this guy in the movie with him

VanDamme and Dennis Rodman.  Yes, that Dennis Rodman.  Don't even bother.  Go find the movie Gymkata....you're better off.

Sudden Death

Beware the giant female killer penguin!!

This is actually another good one; and suggests that Jean Claude was occasionally making some good choices in movie plots to work with.  It's got a Die-Hard-esque feel to it and Powers Boothe plays a bad guy that you quickly learn to hate (and find yourself looking forward to the 'bad guy death scene').  This movie delivers on that scene by the way.  Watch this movie if only to catch the fight scene between Jean Claude and the giant female penguin.  Seriously.....

Street Fighter

Raul Julia's untimely death was preceded by some really bad advice.

Raul Julia....such an acclaimed actor.  I am so sorry this was your final movie.

The Quest

I still have this edition.  All that hype.....

Although there are many other movies Van Damme was in, I'm going to end my anthology with this one.  I still have a Black Belt Magazine edition where, as a preview, this movie was heralded as the flick that would actually dethrone Enter the Dragon.  Well, it didn't.  Granted, it's not a bad movie; the bad guy is one that Van Damme had already faced like 2 or 3 times.  Really, dude?  You couldn't find another bad guy?  Tong Po was booked?  Poor Roger Moore (yes, from the James Bond movies) looks like he could care less about being there.  This movie is quite literally a re-hash of Bloodpsort with some extra twists thrown in.  It's another one to watch if you're bored and between Dancing With the Stars seasons......

No, all of these movies I listed here were good.  Actually, some of them are downright bad.  Okay..awful.  Still, Van Damme remains one of the most prolific action heroes of the 80's & early 90's, back when nothing was CGI'ed.....back when a lot of Schwarzenegger's leading ladies in movies were Hispanic women (don't think I didn't notice that).....back when Steven Seagal would mutter something unintelligible before beating the crap out of Tommy Lee Jones.  Action flicks really were hyper-violent guy-flicks back then, full of testosterone-laden martial arts experts that could kick your head off.  Here's to you Jean Claude......one of the greatest!