We Ain't That Close

My wife recently told me that when your cat lifts his/her tail and twitches it consistently, it's an invitation to sniff anal glands.

....eww.....Patches, you just got banished from my bedroom.

Medical Pot Delivery Driver Claims Ninjas Robbed Him

Medical Pot Delivery Driver Claims Ninjas Robbed Him

What a little gem of news!

....Still I have questions.

• Since when do ninjas "just approach" someone? Dude, step up your game. They're not supposed to see you coming.
• Batons? I guess throwing stars are in short supply these days.
• Where in the HELL are you delivering medicinal marijuana at 10:00 pm? Probably to that Project X party.....
• Stoned ninjas? Really, all you have to do is wait about 3 hours and look for someone to rob a convenient store of brownies.....using batons. 

2012 - We're All a Bunch of Prudes

I didn't care about the lyrics in popular music until I had kids. Nowadays, I'll change the station on the radio faster than you can blink when my kids are in the car and something risque comes on.
I was just thinking to myself how bad things had gotten with the lack of responsibility in lyrics, and then I started to ponder the music of my youth and teen years. The comparison kinda made me laugh.
Let's take a quick trip down memory lane...shall we?

"I Want Your Sex" by George Michael (1987)

Years later, George Michael got arrested for singing "I Want Your Sex" here.

Let's get one thing straight first. I had a love/hate relationship with George Michael's music. This was '87. For heaven's sake, most of us were still in parachute pants (well, I was). George Michael just came out and said "it".  It caused all kinds of furor back then. Granted, he went on to make a lot more (and much better) music; but this one REALLY put him on the map. Just imagine a bunch of 13 year old girls singing it. Well, then again, don't.

"I Touch Myself" by the DiVinils (1991)
 um, the whole whole song is about, um.....well...you get it. I turn red just thinking about this one. Never mind that it's sung by a well-proportioned red head (much to the chagrin of every male from ages 14 - 40 back then). Yes, they played this on the radio too.

 "Sugar Walls" by Sheena Easton (1984)
Ah, you cheeky Brits with your clever plays on words! Sheena Easton is actually Scottish; but in 1984, it was all the same place to teenage Americans. This song was done while she was under (ha, ha) Prince. Since we all know that everything Prince did back then involved sexual references, you can pretty much guess how it went.

I'll feel comfortable explaining to my son what this is really about when he's a sophomore in college. Maybe later than that.

 "Funny How Time Flies" by Janet Jackson (1986)
When This album came out, Janet Jackson became a goddess. Every child and teen had "Control", "What Have You Done for Me Lately" and "Nasty" blasting on their boombox. 1986 was the first year that everyone asked "Michael who?" after hearing this gal belt out some serious hits.

Thank you, Ms. Jackson, for making every American teenager want to learn French in 1986

...but, if you go to side b of your cassette tape (yes, I'm dating myself) and listen to the VERY LAST SONG, you'll hear Janet getting it on with someone. There's no other way to put it. I mean, the girl had just graduated from being the adopted little sister on Good Times, now here she is letting some random dude get to 3rd base (or hit a home run if you speak French).

 Every song ever done by Vanity
'Nuff said.....
Really, if I say anything about this, my blog will get slapped with an "R" rating.

 "Love to Love You Baby" by Donna Summer (1975)
I think this is the theme song for every single adult flick that came out over the next decade. Don't ask how I know that.

I can guarantee you that Ron Jeremy knows all the words to this song.

 "Afternoon Delight" by the Starland Vocal Band (1976)
I had to do some digging on this one, and it's still under contention; but let's just say that your parents don't just sit up and watch TV when you leave the house to get groceries...especially when this song comes on.

The 70's were so blatantly sexual that it sometimes makes us look like a bunch of prudes today.

 "My Dingaling" by Chuck Berry (1952)
Do I really have to say anything about this one? I don't think this got topped until "I want Your Sex" came out thirty-five years later.

Compared to all this, Rhianna and Lady GaGa may as well be singing gospel. I'll just change the station and stop complaining.

An Open Letter to Chris Tucker......

This morning, my wife told me that she had read on TMZ that comedian/actor Chris Tucker now owes somewhere of more than $11 million in taxes.

Yikes.

I've decided to write a letter to Mr. Tucker about the situation.

Dear Chris Tucker,

....that is all.


Love, 
Your fans.