Keep It In Your Pants!

I am a happily married man.

Correction, I am a happily married man with a healthy fear of his wife.

You see, as I slowly approach the age of 40, it has occurred to me that we guys not only become more capable of devoting ourselves to one woman; we also get too stupid and too lazy to cheat.


Besides, all guys are inherently technologically challenged.  In the advanced information age in which we now live; logistically speaking, cheating (or doing something that even comes close) is an extraordinarily bad idea.  Take "sexting" for example.  Seriously?  Sexting?  I still remember the "old days" when getting caught meant lipstick on the lapel or a phone number left in the pocket. 

Nowadays, Brett Favre is getting caught sending pics of his member to women.  C'mon dude.....really?  That's kinda gross....and we live in a world where people keep stuff to use at the worst possible time.  And don't you have grand kids?  I would have loved to have been in the Favre house for that discussion.....Hell, I'm not even a football fan (sorry, I wasn't born with the gene) and even I've been watching the Vikings play just to see what happens next. Someone needs to teach grandadad how to erase the penis pics from his phone.  ...and not send them out either, for that matter. 

Seriously Brett, even Larry Pratt thinks you took the "pants on the ground" thing too far....

...and like I said, I love my wife, and I'm too old and lazy anyway.  Logically speaking (like a guy, that is), the sheer cost of messing up my marriage is enough alone to keep me home. I guess all these other guys (Jesse James, Tiger Woods, etc..) can afford it.



Sepeaking of Jesse James, I wonder how many times he's heard "dude, it was Sandra Bullock....are you out of your mind?!"  Most guys see Jesse James messing that one up as pretty much equal to getting kicked in the nuts.

I figured one more time wouldn't hurt.

How many now?  I lost count at 20....maybe I should sign up and sue too...

Tiger?  Okay, you can't be THAT famous, married, and still be slinging it all over the place.  Somebody's gonna squeal about it.  Actually, about 9 of them will squeal.....maybe it was 12?  I can't keep up.


...anyway fellas, keep in in your pants.  Don't take pics of it either.  Pass on the advances, no matter how tempting.....and take your butts home to your wives at the end of the day.  If you're looking for adventure then go climb a mountain.