If you're like me, then there's a small part of you that wants to know what it's like to have an "encounter" with the supernatural. We may not always voice it; but it's part of the reason why we watch those shows. There's a part of us that wants to see that other side.
Was it Fox or Mulder that said "I want to believe"? I dunno....I never watched X-Files cause I had enough friends telling about each episode.
Repeatedly.
Anyway, I recently thought I had a genuine ghost encounter at my house; and was ready to break out the ghost-busting gear, find myself an Ouija board and call Harold Ramis (directed the movie "Ghostbusters", folks....keep up with me here) to document it so that the truth could be known. This was my ticket, folks. I was gonna get rich by having Ghost Hunters, Oprah and maybe even Dr. Phil over at my house.
...well, maybe not Dr. Phil.....he's hard to get rid of once he comes over.
It started a couple of weeks ago with some mysterious noises from my hallway. Now, let me give you a little background here. We live in a 4 bedroom house. The hallway leading to the bedrooms is separated from the living room by a door which can be closed shut. At night, everyone's door is closed so that should someone get up in the middle of the night (or early, like I do when working shift) so that the other family members are not awakened. Still, because of my "parental hearing", when a kid gets up, I usually hear it, and I'm wide awake by the time the child reaches our bedroom door.
If you are a parent, you probably understand "parental hearing" and how it affects your sleeping habits. I've actually heard a snail pooing in the neighbor's yard. Woke me up like a gunshot.
....but I digress.
So here we are, in the middle of the night, and everyone is "sleeping".
I hear the door separating the bedroom hallway open and close.
I don't hear footsteps.
As I shake off the grogginess, my mind begins to process what I've just heard. Normally, I can figure out what's going on in a relatively short period of time, including who got up and the reason why. It's a parental survival tactic to keep you from losing your mind.
Anyway, I lie in bed analyzing what I've heard, and it doesn't make sense. Needless to say, for a brief period in her life, daughter #1 was a regular sleep walker. She'd get up, come to the bedroom, have some non-descript conversation with me or the wife and trudge back to her room to finish her slumber. It was weird, but slightly humorous; and she's pretty much outgrown it. My initial reaction was that the sleepwalking had returned; but the fact that I didn't hear footsteps kept getting into the way of my logic. I can identify my kids by footsteps alone......and not hearing any kinda gives me the willies.
Now, I know what you're saying....it was the cat, and that's the end of the story....why did you bring us through all this?
Lemme explain a little more here.
I have a cat named Patches.
My wife isn't crazy about my cat.
Okay, my wife hates this cat.
Beth inherited Patches when she and I moved in together and eventually married. While Patches does not reciprocate her rather harsh feelings, I can understand her position for a number of reasons:
- Patches lights farts that would clear a room full of skunks.
- Patches has something called "wool sucking" disease, which means he has uncontrollable urges to lick and eat anything from plastic bags to the hair on your head.
- Patches drools. Not spittle, but bloodhound drool.
- Patches pukes. A lot. For sport. It's like a guy and belching. I think he keeps trying to outdo himself. I've found it in kids' shoes. I've slipped in it in the bedroom, I've found cat puke in places that I'd rather not mention here. I think he's going for some sort of record.
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| Behind this cute face lie all kinds of nasty habits. |
Ever hear a cat licking a plastic trash bag at 2am? You'll lose your religion.
Anyway, I had dismissed the idea of it being Patches because, quite simply, he doesn't have access to the area. Logic led me to the next plausible possibility:
GHOSTS!!
The sheer mention of this, of course, gets my wife all up in arms....and suddenly, she's scared to be in the house alone. Still, I did what I could to keep the situation calm. The "visitor" was not harming anyone, so I figured perhaps we could live with it for a while. Still, the wife was taking no chances, so she went out and bought a padlock for the door. This would be utilized to keep any unwanted visitors out (since the ghosts evidently prefer to actually use the doors in our house), and if it did indeed prove to be daughter #1's sleepwalking habits, it would keep her from getting into any late night trouble while unconscious.
Problem solved.
...or so we thought.
...at least until the wife remembers one small detail.
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| No Zool in my house, only a cat with bad habits. Sorry guys..... |
Back when we lived in the apartments, Patches had actually figured out how to "test" a door to see if it was locked. This cat would actually stand up on his hind legs and attempt to open the door by playing with the door knob. I can only imagine that he'd learned this by watching me and the wife use it. Few things (even the bag licking) will rattle your nerves like hearing what sounds like a freaking person trying to get into your room in the middle of the night when you know your kids are sound asleep. I swear, I've almost shot my cat twice.
....but the house doesn't have door knobs. It has levers.
Patches has been opening the door and mulling around the corridor area looking for a room to explore, bags to lick, stuff to throw up on, etc.....
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| I wonder if these guys train pets....... |
So the door, my corridor door, mind you, now has to be locked at night to keep my stupid cat out of the hallway, since he can't resist trying to get in. My dreams of getting rich by having a haunted house are now dashed; and I'm still slipping in cat puke when I get up at 5 am to make my coffee.
...damnit......
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